Now surpassed, an old design,
your memory visits time to time.
Diaphanous and pale existence;
quantum world so far in distance.
Are you in my mind confined;
nothing concrete left behind?
You often times evaporate
when I focus, contemplate
your form, your source, your essence.
You vanish unexpected,
appear unbid reflected
in strange and little things
that thinking brings.
I confess I do not miss you.
(For now I take some issue
with your timidness back then.)
Why not push back harder?
Stand your ground, demand or barter!
But spirit smashed, you hid in dreaming;
Hardly visible, slouched, conforming,
The strands that kept you tied to ground,
Were nothing, were not strongly bound.
You bowed before them nonetheless,
(with no idea, you tried to guess)
thinking that they all might bless,
if you could just but clear the mess
bequeathed to you.
Not yours, you picked that burden up.
Why, my boy, an adult cup?
Chasing what was never there;
Grasp carefree youth? – you didn’t dare.
On bitter joyless quest adrift,
you hadn’t realised love was gift.
The doors you overlooked, surround;
Keyed by love, are easy found.
In mind I reach and touch your shoulder;
So clear I see you now I’m older.
Too late now to retrofit,
the record is already writ.
Quiet acceptance to me gifted,
the burdens of the past are lifted.